For those of you who are searching for an answer to a question you don't know how to ask, know that it will come.
The past week for me has been a blessing, and I wrote the following to sum it up.
Today is my 25th Birthday.
I felt like I came home today.
The ride home with Akkilesh was probably one of the best experiences of my life. He and I basically talked through anything and everything. And in that vain, there was a lot of healing done, that I found someone I could share all my intellectual crap with and not get into an argument. And that I could stop identifying with being the talker, so I just allowed myself to do the talking.
My whole week away from work was me being shown one thing after another, things clicking and falling into place, and the picture became clearer than it has ever been in my life.
I see myself now as part of the human organism on this planet. I feel like each human being is a living Koan. That we are put here to embody principles. And that we find ourselves by wrestling with that principle. Richard Rose says he was a Mirror for the Absolute. I felt like I climbed the Ladder of Language. It wasn't me that was doing the real work of the climbing, it was all being integrated on its own. I don't know that I can even claim to have picked that particular vector. But the Koan I focussed on was the one of language. I was lost, and I could not find myself if it were not for others healing me on various levels, all of which was caused by misidentification of one form or another. I now have a very deep and profound sense that we're all connected. That we rely on each other and are designed to work together.
It wasn't until this TAT meeting that I heard that Rose's first task was to heal a person when they came to him. And I feel like that no matter what happens, all there is is healing. But its the system that heals itself, and nothing I do can ever do better than what the system can do on its own. (The sytem is the interconnected thing which I am watching/experiencing) The system knows how to heal itself better than I ever would, if I were to act on some misbegotten idea of trying to heal anything. The healing happens automagically.
I see what I took to be myself, Edward, as a part of some mysterious whole. That I took myself to be Edward meant I was separated from the whole, by definition. The idea of Edward is just a part and is separate in the world of ideas. I mistakenly took Edward to be what was constant. But Edward is something that will end, and I am beginning to see how Edward is Integrated into the rest of Humanity. I am beginning to see how he is needed and how he is connected to his environment.
Today was my birth-day.
And I was greeted with a present from God.
I felt lost in a sea of turbulent language. Today the storm stopped, the clouds parted and rays of sunshine began to make the waves sparkle, shimmer and glisten.